Almost There

Well, I am almost 36 weeks and still pregnant. That is a good thing...although I am miserable and can't wait until it is over. This picture was taken a few days ago, and I am carrying 12+ lbs of baby. The babies are big - and doing well, and we are so thankful for that. I am still on bedrest, and have submitted to it as I can't really move at this point, so I am actually thankful for it. I am pretty sure that I am experiencing a condition called SPD. I have never been in so much pain in my life - but I am trying to endure it as well as I can - just hoping that there is relief after delivery. My doctor has told me that I am considered full term at 38 weeks and they will take the babies then if I haven't already had them, so there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We are so excited to welcome these little guys into our home and will post as soon as we have them here!

Bed Rest

This post is more for me than anyone else. There will be times in the very near future I am sure that I will need to come back to this post and read my resolve and be reminded of how I choose to handle this situation, and putting it out there for the world to see somehow makes me more accountable because I can't hide behind my feelings if they aren't hidden. It is official. Bed Rest. I have been living in denial of this moment for a long time. I don't know why I thought that it wasn't going to happen, although, my doctor has been telling me for quite some time that it was going to. But, alas, we have reached that glorious (or not so glorious) point. I had a mini-breakdown earlier this week (to James, of course) wherein I realized the fact that I this bed rest is probably more needed than I would like to acknowledge. He just listened, and smiled, and inside his head wondered "will my wife ever return, and will this CRAZY lady ever leave?" There have been several things that have occurred in the past few weeks that have helped me realize this fact, some of the highlights being, me falling down the stairs, catching a flu bug after venturing out into the public world, passing out in the laboratory bathroom because "I'm a big girl and I can do it all by myself," and not to mention the pain that takes over my body after seemingly short bouts of housecleaning or grocery shopping. I don't mean to sound like a complainer - believe me, I've spent more time worrying about sounding that way than anyone would like to know. So, I would like to say this: Being pregnant is not fun, it hurts, and it's miserable at times. I would also like to say this: Being pregnant is a wonderful blessing, and I am doubly blessed with the joy of two babies at once. It is miraculous and humbling, and exciting and inspiring. I have had to make the distinction between these two statements, because for some reason, I have believed that this "wonderful" thing called pregnancy is to be wonderful in all aspects. Well, I have been disappointed to learn that it isn't pleasant, or fun, or always joyous, but out of many challenging experiences come great things. So, from all of this, I am embracing my bed rest state. I am taking the challenge, because to me, it is a great one to be confined to my house or anywhere for that matter, and making the best of it. I am not going to cry anymore about how gross I feel or how much it hurts, but I am also not going to pretend that I don't feel that way at times. I am going to acknowledge it and choose to be happy that I have the opportunity to experience all of this for my story. One day I will reach back and pull something from this experience that will help me or someone else through something. I could go on and on but the grammatical incorrectness of this is already making me itch. So, I am choosing to look forward to my bed rest. I have already created a long list of things that I would like to accomplish while I'm down. Some of these are things that I have had on my list for a long time, some are things to prepare for the babies, some are things that I want to do for fun, some are things that I am almost certain that I would never take the time to do otherwise. I have had several people say to me "Oh, I would love to have a few months of free time to do whatever I wanted, I would get so much done." I am going to fight the urge to punch you in the face and say "you don't know what it's like," and actually take that opportunity that so many others wish they had. So there. HA HA. I am going to get my paperwork and my junk drawers organized. I am going to finally do something with all of those pictures I have taking up space on my hard drive, and I am going to read those books, and I am going to enjoy it. I'm going to rest, and take care of myself and my babies because that is my job, and I am not going to feel bad about it <---- this is the part I am really going to focus on, because forces out there in the universe are determined to make me feel bad for doing the right thing, and I am not going to let them get me down. Ok, got that out. Feel better about that. Now to set a reminder in my phone to read this at least twice a day to remind myself of all of it...

I have had so many awesome people ask me what I need...(love all of you), and right now I must give a shout-out to my fabulous husband, James. He is so good to me. He cooks, he cleans, he does laundry, he shops, he entertains, and he provides me with such amazing emotional support. I couldn't do this without him. As hard as it is for me to admit this, (really hard) one of the hardest things about all of this has been being home alone all day. I mean, Lucy does her share of talking, but after a while, even she gets bored talking to me. So, if you happen to be on my side of the earth and want to stop by, I wouldn't protest. Plus, there is no charge to look at the lady with the giant moving belly.

I am happy though. I am having two babies! It still is the funniest thing ever to me, but I am so excited. I can't wait to see them and hold them and figure out their little personalities and take on the tremendous challenge and blessing of motherhood. I am in for the ride of my life and I am so excited to take it on. I am ready to be busy, and exhausted, and tired, and frustrated and all of those things that come with it because I know that I am about to experience great joy, and one (or two, rather) of the greatest gifts that God could ever give me, so give me all the crap that comes with it - it's all I've ever wanted.

The Belly

So, I know when it's really bad when James comes home from work one day and says "April! you haven't updated our blog since July 7th!" Uh, ok honey, I'll get on that. I have had a lot of requests for a picture of the babies - I know you're all curious - just how HUGE is she going to get?! So, here it is!

I don't like this picture of me - (I don't like any pictures of me lately, so whatever) but I am 25 weeks here, and P.S. aren't the flowers fabulous!? James took me to the temple to see them because I couldn't get enough of them when I was there earlier that day.

So far, everything is going really well with the pregnancy. I am doing well, and the babies are perfect in every way. They are moving now like crazy - they are already keeping me up all night, which is good preparation I guess.

My family had a baby shower for me while we were in Mesa a few weeks ago and it was fabulous! It was so much fun and we got so much good stuff! Thank you again to everyone who helped put it together!

The Attanasio Brothers

Yes, that is right. We are having twin boys. Breathe, April, breathe. I am still trying to catch my breath from when we found out yesterday - mostly from laughing. I am still laughing. I laughed out loud and told the ultrasound technician he was a liar, and still laughing, told him it wasn't a funny joke, still laughing, finally sat up and asked him if he would place his life on the FACT that there were two babies in there. The answer came: a resounding YES. Then I saw this image on the screen, and I knew it was no joke.

So...Here we go! James has told me his life is complete - it is all he ever wanted - seriously. I don't quite know what to feel - but I am more and more excited as the minutes pass. Yes, I am living my life in minutes right now - I'm sure that will get better once my heart rate decreases.

I have posted all the ultrasound photos on my facebook page.

Perfect

I don't know why, but posting seems to take SO much effort. I think it is because I've neglected this blog for so long that I feel like I should update on everything that has occurred since I last posted. Well, those of you who know, obviously know where I have been and what's been going on, those of you who don't - just ask. I'll tell. Instead of all those um, let's call them "details," I wish to post about the really important stuff, like Britney got married, Birthday Cruises and Oh yeah, I'm not fat - I'm pregnant.

Yes! Britney got married! I was privileged to be there for all of it.

Bridal shower(s), girls nights and bachelorette party, endowment, sealing. And all the days in between too. The staying up late and talking about love and the fuzzy feelings you get when you know you've found your soulmate. The photo shoot where I get to chew the gum for the bride and change her shoes and touch up her makeup after every shot, and adjust her dress and hair. Taking notes at the showers getting so excited for every gift that was received. Giving advice that was from the heart and learning new things along the way. Dreaming about the future and getting excited about the little things. The flowers and the food and the tiny minute details that nobody would know about. I got to see all the hard work and dedication and love that went into making this day so perfect. I am so grateful I got to spend that time with Jilly and Brit.

Only James could bring this out of the beautiful bride on her perfect day.

Many tears were shed at this moment. Perfect.

Last Dance. The Mr. and Mrs.

The reception was the perfect party. Flawless. I sat and soaked it all in and enjoyed it. Such a happy feeling was there - the perfect celebration for a perfect start to a new life.

During my stay, my bff Tracie had a landmark birthday. The big 3-0. I kept telling her that 30 is the new 20, o we decided to Birthday It Up {BIU} in style. I was so elated that I was asked to be Tracie's BIU guest. We had the most fabulous time, the elation that was felt was overwhelmingly elating! I will just briefly recap some of the most elating highlights of the trip. There first was the drama of obtaining my birth certificate. Thank you to James for handling the drama with such quickness and speed - only to find out I have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day - my ENTIRE life!?! Hello, Mike and JoAnn? I digress. There was the migraine scare, the shade cutting off circulation, the lovely Vagabond Inn complete with late night Internet searches and DIY waffle breakfast. Then, the boat. The Elation.

Our beds were amazing. More amazing were the pillows, and more amazing were the duvets. On the Lido Deck, the food - perfect. The fruit? Plentiful. 24 hour room service? Definitely used. Our dining experience was quite interesting...there was our waiter John Wayne, and our table mates Edgar and Irma, and his incessant inviting us to take photos in our "Cruise Elegant" attire. Cruise Elegant. 'Nuff said.

Yes, we ordered cheese for dessert. And me, well fruit at every meal.

Our towel animals provided hours of entertainment and I will stop there. Did I mention 24 hour room service? Oh, the time spent on the Lido Deck - elating.

Laying out, and more laying out. Sleeping, eating, laughing, eating, sleeping, eating, laughing, being Cruise Elegant - it was all so much fun! Thank you Trac for a perfect time!

YES + its true. (I took 2, just to be sure) I am not getting fatter. Well, actually, I am. But it is not because of the cruise or the wedding or some natural disaster. We are expecting our first baby! We could not be more excited for this - it has been a long road for us to finally get pregnant, and actually keep the pregnancy. My doctor has assured me that things are moving along perfectly. My due date is December 18th. We heard the heartbeat last week and it was amazing, and perfect. We don't know what we are having yet, Britney's bffer Natalie has affectionately named it babyweinerdog until we know. We are jumping out of our skin waiting for that ultrasound so we can find out what we are having. We are so excited for the privilege to become parents and can't wait!

Last but not least. Lucy and Pete are now bffs. They both had to adjust to not being around each other. Poor Lucy, she has no idea what is in store for her in the coming months. Maybe I should let her watch 'Lady and the Tramp' to kind of ease her into the idea of a new baby.

Whoot-y

I am kind of obsessed...

What do they symbolize?

It is believed that a magical "inner light" gave Owls night vision. Owls symbolize wisdom, the ability to see things that are hidden, stealth, swiftness, darkness, freedom, dreams, shape-shifting, secrets, omens, clairvoyance, astral projection, magick, deception, observation, total truth, night, death and misfortune.

Creepy? I think not. I kinda like 'em.

Prepare yourself...

Words can't describe the joy...Bono, I will see you soon. Very soon.